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RELATIONSHIP CORE VALUES

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What are Relationship Core Values?


Relationship core values are the principles you live by. They guide your decisions and are the basis of your belief system. Core values are relatively stable throughout your life, although they can change with personal growth and the experience you gain through the years. How your core values are expressed is more apt to change throughout your life. For example, if one of your core values is adventure it may be expressed as skateboarding in your 20s and 30s, vacations off the beaten path in your 40s and 50s, and a cruise around the world in your 60s or 70s. The expression and your interests connected to your core values change, but the value itself remains.

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That’s why it’s so important to focus not too much on matching up similar interests in dating and romantic relationships. Interests can change for the sake of variety and as time goes by. If you highly value adventure and your potential partner highly values predictability, it may be a struggle to plan vacations and even daily life. Of course, compromises are called for in most relationships, but you don’t want to compromise a top core value in favor of harmony in your relationship as that can often create distance, frustration, and resentment between partners. 

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Identifying Your Relationship Core Values

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When you find the TRUE core values that you desire in your intimate relationship, you should be able to say, “I’d rather be single the rest of my life, than not have this core value in my relationship.” That’s how significant your relationship core values are. They won’t be dictated by what’s fashionable or come from societal or familial pressure or fear of any kind. Your core values create the foundation of your relationship. Without them, you’re like a boat without a rudder. You are directionless and can’t figure out why you can’t make a relationship work even when there is a lot of love between you and your partner.​​​

​How To Create Your Core Values List:

 

  • Step 1: Spend some time thinking and journaling about some of your past relationships. What aspects were present in your relationships that you really enjoyed and that lit you up? What characteristics did you have in the past that you’re not willing to go without now? What were the causes for the bigger disagreements – the arguments that kept showing up over and over in different ways but always with the same underlying issues? Those are clues to your relationship core values.

  • Step 2: Skim through the attached list of core values. Circle all the words that jump out at you. Don’t spend too much time thinking it through at this point, just circle what resonates with you.

  • Step 3: Take your list of words you circled and organize them into clusters based on similarity. The words should relate or be synonyms (i.e., stability and predictability). Make no more than 4-5 groups.

  • Step 4: Pick one word from each group that best represents the entire list of words. Ask yourself with each word you choose, “Would I rather be single than live without this value in my relationship?” If you can answer yes, then you have identified a core value. If you can’t say yes, then keep digging. You haven’t discovered it yet.

  • Step 5: After you’ve identified your top 5 Core Values that you won’t live without, fill them in below.

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Core Values in Relationships

LIST OF CORE VALUES

CORE VALUES
CORE VALUES

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1. _________________________               2. _________________________               3. _________________________


4. _________________________              5. _________________________

Relationship core values aren't just a self-awareness exercise. These values are the non-negotiables that define who you are and what you need to feel fulfilled in a partnership. While interests and hobbies can evolve over time, core values are the steady compass guiding you through life’s twists and turns. At the end of the day, it’s not just about finding someone who shares your love for hiking or the same taste in music—it’s about building a life together based on shared principles that stand the test of time.

Anna Morgan Coaching Dating Coach

Anna Morgan Coaching specializes in guiding men and women in breaking through emotional barriers and developing the mindset and skills needed for successful dating. Anna offers 1:1 dating coaching for men, dating coaching for women, relationship coaching, and empowering dating profile pictures for successful online dating. Book a free discovery call and learn how your dating life can be changed.

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