What Makes a Great Match?
Tips from a Matchmaker in Boston
If you’ve been dating in the wild jungle that is modern romance—apps, ghosting, awkward small talk, and all—you might be wondering: What actually makes a great match? As a matchmaker in Boston, I hear this question almost daily. And spoiler alert: it's not just about looks or shared Spotify playlists.
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A great match goes deeper. It's about emotional compatibility, shared values, and (this one's often overlooked) timing. So, if you're serious about figuring out how to find love, let me pour you some tea from the perspective of a dating expert who’s helped lots of people navigate this messy, beautiful world of dating.
What a Matchmaker in Boston Looks for in a Great Match
As a professional matchmaker in Boston, I don’t just play Cupid with blindfolds and arrows—I use insight, experience, and a dash of psychology. Here’s what I’m looking for when I match two people:
1. Emotional Availability
You’d be shocked how many people say they want a relationship but aren’t emotionally available. Maybe they’re still healing from a breakup. Or maybe their attachment style (anxious, avoidant, or disorganized) is blocking real connection.
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A great match happens when two people are in the right emotional place to give and receive love. So, if you're dating, ask yourself: “Am I emotionally open, or am I still carrying emotional baggage in my back pocket?”
2. Shared Core Values
Forget the same taste in music—that’s fun but not a deal breaker. A real match is someone who aligns with your values.
Are you both family-oriented? Do you have similar views on different aspects of life (money, kids, or work-life balance)? As a matchmaker in Boston, I’ve seen sparks fly only to fizzle when foundational values don’t line up. Believe me, chemistry is great, but compatibility keeps the relationship running long-term.
3. Complementary Lifestyles
A great match isn’t about finding your clone—it’s about finding someone whose life can fit with yours. Are you a night owl and they’re an early bird? Big traveler vs. homebody? Introvert vs. extrovert? You don’t have to be the same, but your lifestyles should work together, not against each other.
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When I offer matchmaking services, I ask my clients about their ideal daily routines, travel habits, and even how they spend Sundays. It tells me way more than their favorite pizza topping.
4. Communication Style & Conflict Skills
You know what's sexy? Someone who knows how to talk and listen. Communication is everything in a relationship.
I’ve matched clients who had opposite conflict styles—one would shut down, the other would escalate - disaster! A great match is someone who can meet you halfway when things get hard, not just when everything’s rosy. A little therapy never hurts, by the way. 😉
5. Similar Relationship Goals
This one’s big. If one of you is looking for a long-term partnership and the other is just “seeing what happens,” you’re going to run into heartbreak.
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As a love coach, I always ask: “What kind of relationship do you want?” And more importantly, when do you want it? Timing matters. A great match happens when your goals are aligned—and your readiness matches up too.
6. Compatible Attachment Styles
This might be the biggest unsung hero in relationship success. Attachment styles are the patterns we develop early in life that shape how we connect (or disconnect) with others.
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If you’re anxious and crave closeness, but your partner is avoidant and needs a ton of space, you’re going to feel like you’re in a constant game of emotional tug-of-war. On the flip side, two securely attached people—or even one secure person with an aware and evolving partner—can create a stable, loving bond that doesn’t feel like an emotional rollercoaster.
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As a relationship coach, I spend a lot of time helping clients understand their attachment style so they can spot what feels safe versus what just feels familiar (even if familiar isn’t healthy).
7. Growth Mindset & Open-Mindedness
Want to know what separates a “meh” match from an amazing one? A willingness to grow.
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A great match isn’t perfect—it’s two imperfect people willing to learn, evolve, and show up for each other. If one partner is always trying to improve themselves and the other refuses to budge from their comfort zone, things start to feel stuck.
When both people have a growth mindset, they’re open to feedback, personal development, and even a little discomfort if it leads to something better. Add in some open-mindedness—like trying each other’s hobbies, exploring new ideas, or adapting when life throws curveballs—and now you’ve got a real shot at long-term success.
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As a dating coach in Boston, I tell clients: you're not just choosing a partner for who they are now, but also for who they're becoming. Choose someone who wants to grow with you.
How a Matchmaker in Boston Helps You See What You Might Miss
Sometimes we’re too close to our own patterns to spot the red (or green) flags. That’s where a dating consultant comes in. I gently push my clients out of their comfort zone and they usually are nicely surprised at how much they missed out in the past.
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Ever dated the same type over and over and wondered why it keeps crashing and burning? That’s often tied to your attachment style or a subconscious belief that love has to feel like a rollercoaster. A professional matchmaker in Boston or coach can help you break those patterns and start choosing partners who are actually good for you. Wild concept, I know.
Chemistry vs Compatibility: The Eternal Debate
Yes, sparks are exciting. But don’t confuse butterflies with bombs. A good match has chemistry and compatibility. Without both, you might end up in a situationship wondering why you're never quite on the same page.
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A client of mine once told me she felt “bored” on a date because the guy was nice, consistent, and stable. A few weeks later, she realized she was just unfamiliar with healthy. Now they’re happily in a committed relationship and building a life together. That’s the magic of a mindset shift.
Final Thoughts from a Matchmaker in Boston
If you’re serious about figuring out how to find love, here’s your gentle nudge: take the time to get clear on what you need—not what Instagram says love should look like. I suggest working on your self-awareness, getting curious about your patterns, and not being afraid to ask for help.
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Whether you’re ready to dive into matchmaking services, or just want to chat with a dating coach who gets it, I’m here. And remember—your person is out there. Let’s just make sure you’re ready to meet them when they show up.
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Interested in Meeting a Matchmaker in Boston?
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