Let’s be real—flirting can feel like a mystery wrapped in an enigma, sprinkled with awkward moments. If you’ve ever thought, “I don’t know how to flirt,” trust me, you’re not alone. So many people feel this way, but here’s the good news: you can absolutely learn flirting. Yes, even if you think you’re as smooth as a rusty bicycle chain.
As someone who’s been a dating coach for years, I’ve worked with all kinds of people—introverts, extroverts, the “I accidentally called my date ‘Mom’” crowd (it happens). What I’ve seen is this: flirting isn’t about being perfect but about learning how to connect in a fun and authentic way. And yes, it’s something you can practice and get better at (like riding a bike or making the perfect cup of coffee).
Wait, What Is Flirting, Exactly?
Flirting gets such a bad rap. People hear the word and picture someone using corny pickup lines like, “Did it hurt when you fell from heaven?” (Spoiler: it hurt me just writing that.) But flirting isn’t about being cheesy or over-the-top. It’s really just playful, lighthearted communication that shows you’re interested.
Here’s an example from a love coach: You’re chatting with someone at a party, and they mention they love hiking. Instead of just nodding and saying, “Oh, cool,” you might smile and say, “So, are you one of those people who wakes up at 5 a.m. for the best sunrise photos?” It’s a little tease, a little curiosity—bam, you’re flirting!
Why Does Flirting Feel So Hard?
Honestly, most of us weren’t taught how to flirt. Like, when was the last time someone sat you down and said, “Here’s how to casually charm someone without overthinking it?” Exactly.
Flirting feels intimidating because it requires you to put yourself out there, even just a little. And let’s face it, nobody likes the idea of rejection. But guess what? Rejection isn’t the end of the world. It’s just a part of life—and learning to flirt is really about learning to have fun and not take yourself too seriously.
So, Can You Learn Flirting?
Absolutely! Flirting isn’t some magic gift you’re born with. Flirting is just a skill, and like any skill, it can get better with practice. Here’s how:
Find Your Style Not everyone flirts the same way, and that’s a good thing. Maybe you’re the playful type who loves witty banter, or maybe you’re more of the thoughtful compliment kind of person. (A little self-awareness goes a long way here).
Example: In my dating coaching practice one of my clients realized his humor was his strength. He started using funny, low-pressure comments like, “I’m not saying I’d lose a trivia contest to you, but... actually, yeah, I’d lose.” It worked like a charm because it was him.
Get Comfortable with Eye Contact Eye contact is like the unsung hero of flirting. Lock eyes for a moment longer than usual, smile, and boom—you’ve just sent a signal of interest. No words needed.
Pro tip: Don’t stare like a deer in headlights. Think warm and curious, not I-will-read-your-soul.
Practice in Low-Stakes Situations The best way to learn flirting? Practice it where there’s no pressure. Chat with the barista, crack a joke with the cashier, or compliment someone’s dog at the park. Tiny moments like that can build your confidence.
Flirting in Action: A Real-Life Example
I had a client who was painfully shy. He told me, “I can’t flirt. I’d rather eat a bowl of nails.” (Yikes.) We started small. I asked him to smile and say one playful thing to someone in line at Starbucks. The next day, he came back grinning, saying, “I told someone their coffee order sounded like dessert in disguise, and they laughed!”
That’s flirting, my friend.
A Few Easy Flirting Tips You Can Steal Right Now
Smile More: People gravitate toward a friendly face. Think “I just heard a cute dog story” smile, not “I’m about to sell you a timeshare.”
Ask Fun Questions: Instead of “What do you do for work?” try something unexpected, like, “If you could live in any movie universe, where would you go?”
Give Specific Compliments: Instead of saying, “You look nice,” try, “That color looks amazing on you.” (Specific is memorable.)
Use Light Teasing: Playful teasing shows confidence—just keep it kind. If they’re talking about their favorite pizza place, you could say, “That’s a bold choice. Are you sure it’s better than [insert your fave]?”
Ready to Learn Flirting?
Flirting doesn’t have to feel like walking a tightrope over a pit of sharks. You can definitely learn flirting (and even enjoy it). Start small, have fun with it, and remember: the best flirting comes from a place of confidence and authenticity.
So, next time you’re out and about, give it a shot. A little eye contact, a playful comment, or a genuine compliment could be all it takes to spark a connection. And if you need help along the way, I’m just a message away. Let’s get your flirting game on point!
If flirting feels like an insurmountable challenge, working with a dating expert might be your best move.
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Anna Morgan Coaching specializes in guiding men and women in breaking through emotional barriers and developing the mindset and skills needed for successful dating. I offer 1:1 dating coaching, relationship coaching, and empowering dating profile pictures for successful online dating. Book a free discovery call and learn how your dating life can be changed.
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