Alright, let’s have the real talk about ghosting. As a dating coach, I know it’s a frustrating, confusing experience that almost everyone in dating today has run into at least once. You think things are going well—they seem interested, maybe you’re even planning a date—and then, suddenly, radio silence. They vanish like a magician’s assistant, leaving you wondering what the heck just happened. Ghosting can feel personal, but honestly, it’s rarely about you. So let's talk about why people ghost, and how you can get over it without letting it shake your confidence.
Why People Ghost (Hint: It’s Not All About You)
They’re Afraid of “The Talk” For some people, expressing what they feel—especially if it’s that they’re no longer interested—feels like trying to climb Everest. It’s uncomfortable, maybe even terrifying, so they choose the easy way out: they disappear. Rather than saying, “Hey, I think we’re not a match,” they just vanish, hoping you’ll get the hint which is a big reason why people ghost. Ironically, this non-confrontational approach tends to feel a lot worse on the receiving end. But for them, it’s a way to avoid a potentially awkward conversation.
Avoidant Attachment Style
People with avoidant attachment styles often struggle with closeness. They may feel comfortable initially but get spooked as the relationship progresses. This emotional distance is a major reason why people ghost rather than face deeper conversations about commitment.
If you keep facing this, you might be unconsciously drawn to avoidant personalities. Many avoidants show subtle signs early on, like avoiding future talk or being inconsistent in their messages. An experienced dating expert can help you spot these patterns before they leave you wondering what went wrong.
Dodging Accountability Another reason why people ghost is because they’re simply not ready to take responsibility for their actions. Ending things properly requires a level of maturity and willingness to face someone else’s feelings, and not everyone is there yet. Ghosting is the easy escape route, leaving you in the dark while they move on, thinking they’ve dodged any fallout. But remember: this says a lot more about them than it does about you.
Too Many Options Ah, the curse of dating apps! These days, there’s always someone new a swipe away, which can create this constant cycle of “next, next, next.” Sometimes, the answer to why people ghost is that they’re simply exploring other options and lack the decency to tell you that directly. In this digital dating world, the idea of sticking around long enough to see if something could actually develop can feel like a “commitment” some aren’t ready for. Instead, they move on without a second thought, assuming it’s just how dating is done these days.
They Just Didn’t Feel It For a lot of people, there comes a point where they’re just not feeling the connection. Maybe it was fun for a couple of dates, but now it’s fizzling. And rather than being honest and saying, “Hey, I’m not feeling the spark,” they take the “quiet exit” route. The thing is, people convince themselves that ghosting is somehow kinder than an honest conversation. Spoiler: it’s not. It leaves the other person guessing, hurt, and questioning what went wrong.
Their Own Baggage Is Showing Sometimes, the reason for ghosting has more to do with the ghoster’s own issues than anything you did. Maybe they have unresolved feelings from a past relationship, fear of commitment, or they’re simply not ready to open up to someone new. Ghosting, for some, is a way to maintain control over their own emotional state, keeping a safe distance from anything that feels too real or vulnerable. A love coach can help you spot these red flags before you invest too much, so you’re not left hanging by someone who isn’t emotionally available.
Getting Over Ghosting Without Letting It Break Your Confidence
So, you’ve been ghosted. First things first: remind yourself that it’s not about you. Getting ghosted can sting, but you don’t have to let it shake your sense of self-worth. Here’s how to process it and move on like a champ:
Feel Your Feelings Let’s be real, ghosting hurts—especially if you’d started to get excited about where things were going. It’s okay to be upset. Sit with that frustration, sadness, or anger. Give yourself permission to feel it, vent to a friend, or even write it out. Just don’t get stuck there. Recognizing your emotions is part of healing, but holding onto the hurt will only keep you in a loop. Allowing yourself to feel and then letting go is the key.
Resist the Urge for a “Why” Text The temptation to text them and ask “What happened?” or “Why’d you ghost me?” can be strong, but often, chasing closure with someone who ghosted will only drag out the pain. They’ve already shown you their communication style (or lack thereof), and chances are, they’re not about to change now. Plus, closure is something you can create for yourself. When someone ghosts, take it as their message that they’re not worth your time, and leave it at that.
Reframe the Experience: It’s Not a Rejection, It’s a Redirection Getting ghosted can feel like rejection, but sometimes it’s actually a blessing in disguise. The fact that they ghosted doesn’t mean you’re not worthy; it just means they weren’t the right fit for you. Try seeing it as the universe clearing out someone who wasn’t truly aligned with what you need. Instead of letting ghosting shake you, think of it as saving you from investing in someone who wasn’t ready or right for you.
Reflect (But Don’t Obsess) Take a little time to look back on what you learned, without overthinking it. Did you notice any signs they weren’t fully in it? Were there moments when you felt like you were over-investing? A dating consultant can help you recognize these patterns, making it easier to navigate future connections with more clarity. But don’t get too wrapped up in the “what ifs.” You’re human, they’re human, and dating is a learning process.
Rebuild Your Self-Worth and Confidence The most powerful way to bounce back from ghosting is by focusing on your own self-worth. Don’t let someone else’s flaky behavior make you question your value. Remind yourself of what makes you amazing and what you bring to the table in a relationship. Investing in yourself—whether through self-care, personal goals, or even working with a professional—can help you show up even stronger in your next connection.
Knowing Why People Ghost and Moving Forward with Confidence
Remember, dating isn’t about winning everyone over or making everyone stay—it’s about finding the right person who’s genuinely interested and respects you enough to communicate honestly. When you know why people ghost, it becomes a lot easier to brush it off. Take it as a learning experience, and stay focused on what you want in a partner.
Ghosting might be part of the dating game, but it doesn’t have to define your dating life. With the right mindset, a little self-reflection, and maybe some guidance from a relationship coach, you can handle these bumps like a pro. Focus on your own growth, keep your standards high, and know that the right person won’t disappear—they’ll stick around and grow with you.
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Anna Morgan is a transformational dating and relationship coach and dating profile photographer who is on a mission to help people have success in dating and relationships. She offers 1:1 dating coaching, relationship coaching, and empowering profile pictures for successful dating. Book a free 30-minute discovery call and learn how your dating life can be changed.
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