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Red Flags in Dating: 10 Things To Watch Out For Before Falling In Love

Writer's picture: Anna MorganAnna Morgan

Updated: Nov 7, 2024

Let’s be real—dating isn’t always smooth sailing. You’re navigating the seas of attraction, trust, and compatibility, all while trying to avoid the sharks that might be lurking below. And by sharks, I mean red flags. Red flags in dating are those little (or not-so-little) signs that something is off. As a dating coach, I’ve seen many people sail right into stormy waters simply because they didn’t see (or chose to ignore) these warning signs. Today, we’re diving deep into what you need to look out for to ensure you’re on the right course to a happy, healthy relationship.


Red Flags in Dating

What Are Red Flags in Dating?


Red flags are signs that your potential partner might not be the best fit or might even be unhealthy for you. They can show up as behaviors, attitudes, or patterns that make you feel uncomfortable or leave you questioning the future. Whether you’re dating casually or on the search for a serious relationship, it’s crucial to spot these signals early on. And let me tell you, being aware of red flags doesn’t make you paranoid—it makes you smart.


Here’s what every savvy dater should be watching out for:


🚩 1. Inconsistent Communication

Ever feel like you’re having a great conversation one day, only to get ghosted for a week? This “hot and cold” communication pattern can leave you feeling confused and insecure. As a dating expert, I’ve seen this play out all too often. If someone’s messaging style makes you feel like you’re riding an emotional rollercoaster, it’s a red flag. Healthy communication shouldn’t make you feel like you’re constantly chasing after clarity.


What to do: Discuss how this behavior affects you and see if they make an effort to change. If not, you might want to hop off this ride.


🚩 2. Moving Too Fast, Too Soon

If someone is rushing to lock things down—talking about exclusivity on the second date or future kids after a few weeks—it might seem flattering at first, but it’s also a major red flag. This fast-forwarding could indicate a lack of boundaries or a strategy to create an intense emotional bond quickly, making it harder for you to see other potential issues.


What to do: Slow things down and see if they respect your pace. Genuine connection takes time to develop; don’t let anyone pressure you into speeding up.


🚩 3. Disrespectful Behavior Towards Others

Watch how they treat waitstaff, their friends, or even strangers. Are they rude, dismissive, or arrogant? How someone treats others, especially those they have nothing to gain from, says a lot about their character. You don’t want to be on the receiving end of this behavior down the line.


What to do: If you notice disrespectful behavior, don’t dismiss it. This can be a huge indicator of their values and how they may treat you in the future.


🚩 4. Excessive Jealousy or Possessiveness

A little bit of jealousy is normal, but if they’re showing signs of possessiveness early on—wanting to know where you are all the time or getting upset if you talk to someone of the opposite sex—that’s a red flag. It’s often a sign of underlying insecurity and control issues, which can lead to an unhealthy dynamic later on.


What to do: Set clear healthy boundaries and communicate what you’re comfortable with. If they can’t respect that, it’s time to reevaluate.


🚩 5. Lack of Accountability

Do they always play the victim? Blame their exes for everything that went wrong? Or avoid taking responsibility for their mistakes? A lack of accountability can indicate emotional immaturity and a tendency to deflect blame rather than address issues head-on. This one is a common item on a red flags list and can also indicate narcissism.


What to do: Look for patterns in their stories and actions. A good partner will own their mistakes and work to grow from them, not just shift the blame.


🚩 6. Love Bombing

Ah, love bombing—a classic move where someone showers you with excessive affection, gifts, and attention in the early stages. While it might seem amazing at first (who doesn’t love being adored?), it’s often used as a tactic to create an intense bond quickly and gain control.


What to do: Enjoy the romance, but stay grounded. Don’t let love bombing blind you to other red flags or pressure you into making decisions before you’re ready.


🚩 7. Lack of Interest in Your Life

Are they only interested in talking about themselves? Do they seem bored or dismissive when you share your thoughts, dreams, or day-to-day happenings? A lack of curiosity or investment in your life can indicate a self-centered mindset.


What to do: It’s crucial that your partner values your thoughts and experiences. If they don’t seem genuinely interested in your life, you’re probably not a priority for them.

 

🚩 8. Unresolved Past Relationships

Do they keep bringing up their ex, constantly compare you to their past partners, or show signs of lingering resentment or hurt? This could mean they’re not fully over their previous relationship, which can hinder their ability to be fully present with you. If their past still seems like a major part of their emotional landscape, it’s a red flag that they may not be ready for something new.


What to do: Ask open questions about how they’ve processed their past relationships. Listen to see if there’s closure or if they still have emotional baggage that could impact your relationship.


🚩 9. Avoidance of Conflict or Difficult Conversations

Healthy relationships require open communication and the ability to work through conflicts. If they shy away from difficult conversations, give you silent treatment, or avoid conflict altogether, it can lead to unresolved issues festering beneath the surface. This avoidance might look like shutting down, changing the subject, or pretending problems don’t exist—none of which are signs of a strong, lasting relationship.


What to do: Try addressing a minor issue and see how they react. If they dodge the conversation or refuse to engage, it might be an indicator that they lack the emotional maturity to handle tougher situations down the road.


🚩 10. Controlling or Manipulative Behavior

Watch out for subtle manipulation, like guilt-tripping, gaslighting, or trying to influence your decisions in ways that don’t feel right to you. This type of behavior often starts small but can escalate into more serious forms of control. They might make you doubt yourself or feel like you’re the one being unreasonable when you bring up concerns. Any attempts to isolate you from friends or family, monitor your activities, or shape your decisions are major red flags.


What to do: Be clear about your boundaries and how you expect to be treated. Trust your gut—if something feels off, it probably is. Controlling behavior is a sign of deep-rooted issues that can be very challenging to change.

 

Why Do We Ignore Red Flags?


It’s not uncommon to turn a blind eye to red flags. We get caught up in the excitement of new connections or hope that our partner’s behavior will change. As a relationship coach, I’ve heard clients say, “But I thought they would become more attentive over time” or “I didn’t want to be too picky.” But ignoring these warning signs early on can lead to bigger problems down the line.

 

Ready to Date Smarter?


If you’re serious about succeeding in dating and relationships, take the time to reflect on what’s truly important to you. Know your deal breakers and, most importantly, trust your instincts. Sometimes, you might need a nudge in the right direction, and that’s where a love coach or dating consultant can come in handy. Dating coaching can offer personalized guidance in navigating red flags, whether you’re starting from scratch or dealing with a complicated dating situation.

 

In the end, spotting red flags is less about avoiding “bad” people and more about finding someone whose values, behavior, and attitude genuinely align with yours. After all, you deserve a partner who feels like calm waters, not turbulent waves.


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Red Flags in Dating

As a dating coach and matchmaker, I specialize in guiding singles frustrated with dating apps' superficiality toward finding meaningful love and real connections. I offer 1:1 dating and relationship coaching for men, dating coaching for women, matchmaking, and empowering dating profile pictures for successful online dating. Book a free 30-minute discovery call and learn how your dating life can be changed.

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