10 Signs You Are Dating a Narcissist

Dating should be fun, exciting, and, at the very least, not emotionally draining. But if your relationship feels like a constant rollercoaster—amazing highs followed by confusing lows—you might be dating a narcissist.

As a relationship coach in Boston, I’ve seen so many people get caught up in these toxic relationships, often without even realizing it at first. Narcissists are charming, they know how to say the right things, and they make you feel special… until they don’t. If you’ve been feeling exhausted, doubting yourself, or walking on eggshells, here are some red flags you really shouldn’t ignore.

Signs You Are Dating a Narcissist

1. They Sweep You Off Your Feet Too Fast (Love Bombing)

One minute you’re casually dating, the next, they’re telling you you’re their soulmate and planning your future together. The attention you get can be intoxicating, the compliments never stop, and you feel like you’ve finally met someone who gets you.

Then, suddenly, the energy shifts, they start pulling away and making you wonder what you did wrong. Spoiler: you did nothing wrong. This is what narcissists do—they love bomb you to hook you in, then slowly take away the affection so you start chasing it. A dating coach would tell you: real love builds over time—it doesn’t hit you like a speeding train.

2. It’s Always About Them (Seriously, Always)

Ever try talking about your day, only for them to spin it back to themselves? You: "Work was tough today." Them: "Oh, that reminds me of this amazing thing I did at work!"

They don’t just want attention; they need it. They crave constant validation, and if the spotlight isn’t on them, they’ll either redirect the conversation or tune out completely. And what if you ever need emotional support? Forget it. They might pretend to care, but deep down, your feelings are just background noise to their ego.

3. They Make You Doubt Yourself (Gaslighting 101)

Ever been so sure something happened, only to have them completely deny it? Welcome to the mind games of dating a narcissist.

They say things like:

❌ “That never happened.”

❌ “You’re being dramatic.”

❌ “You’re too sensitive.”

Little by little, you start second-guessing yourself. Maybe you are overreacting? Maybe you did misremember? Nope, this is called gaslighting, and it’s a manipulative tactic designed to make you doubt your own reality. Trust your gut—if something feels off, it is off.

4. They Love You… Until They Don’t (Hot and Cold Behavior)

One day, they’re obsessed with you. The next, they’re distant, cold, or even cruel.

You: “Hey, is everything okay?”

Them: “Ugh, you’re so needy.”

This push-pull dynamic keeps you hooked because you’re always chasing the good times. But real love is consistent. As a dating expert, I can tell you: love shouldn’t feel like a game where you’re always losing.

5. They Blame You for Everything

A narcissist will never admit they’re wrong. Ever. Instead, they flip the script so you feel like the problem.

You call them out on something shady they did? Suddenly, you’re “too insecure.” You bring up something that hurt you and somehow, it turns into a conversation about your flaws. It’s exhausting... and it’s meant to be. The more they keep you doubting yourself, the more power they have.

6. They Can’t Handle Criticism (But They Can Dish It Out)

Try giving them any kind of constructive feedback, and watch them explode. Whether it’s a small comment about their behavior or a lighthearted joke, they’ll react like you’ve just personally attacked them.

But when it comes to you? Different story. They have no problem nitpicking your looks, your career, your interests—anything to chip away at your confidence. A love coach would tell you: a healthy partner lifts you up, not tears you down.

8. They Ignore Your Boundaries

You say you need space? They push.

You say no? They act offended.

You are not comfortable with something? They do it anyway.

When you’re dating a narcissist, your needs don’t really matter to them. They’ll guilt-trip, pressure, or manipulate you into doing things their way. But remember this: healthy boundaries aren’t negotiable—if someone can’t respect them, they don’t respect you.

9. They Use the Silent Treatment as a Weapon

Ever had someone just disappear on you for hours or even days after a disagreement? That’s not “taking space.” That’s punishment.

A narcissist knows that ignoring you will make you anxious and desperate to fix things. They want you to feel bad, apologize (even if you did nothing wrong), and chase them. Real love doesn’t make you feel like a ghost. If someone truly cares, they talk things out—they don’t freeze you out like you don’t exist.

10. They Make You Feel Like You’re Never Enough

No matter how hard you try, it’s never good enough. You’re either too much or not enough. One minute, they’re complimenting you; the next, they’re making subtle (or not-so-subtle) digs at your confidence.

They want you to feel insecure because the more you doubt yourself, the easier you are to control. But let me remind you: you are enough. You always have been. You don’t need to “earn” love from someone who makes you feel small.

What to Do If You’re Dating a Narcissist

✔ Learn about attachment styles. Sometimes, we’re drawn to toxic partners because of our own relationship patterns. Understanding why you’re attracted to narcissists can help break the cycle.

✔ Set (and enforce) boundaries. Stop justifying, stop explaining—just say no.

✔ Seek support. Whether it’s a relationship coach, a therapist, or a trusted friend, getting guidance can help you see things clearly.

✔ Prioritize yourself. Real love feels safe, stable, and mutual. If you’re constantly questioning your worth in a relationship, it’s not love—it’s control.

Prevent Yourself from Dating a Narcissist

If any of these signs sound familiar, don’t ignore them. Dating a narcissist can be emotionally devastating, but recognizing the red flags is the first step to protecting yourself. If you need guidance, working with a dating consultant can help you rebuild confidence and attract the right kind of love. Your love life should feel empowering, not exhausting.

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Anna Morgan Coaching specializes in guiding men and women in breaking through emotional barriers and developing the mindset and skills needed for successful dating. Anna offers 1:1 dating coaching for men, dating coaching for women, relationship coaching, and empowering dating profile pictures for successful online dating. Book a free discovery call and learn how your dating life can be changed.